Angry Pants

Do you have those days (weeks, life?) where everyone really gets on your nerves?
Maybe not everyone but a lot of people? and some of them seem to go deliberately out of their way to piss you off don't they?!

The person driving slower in the car in front, the person in the supermarket aisle who picks up the loaf you wanted, the kids next door shouting and screaming in the back yard all the f**king time, the bank, the boss, employees, friends, family. Don't even get started on family!!
The mess, the money, your sports team, the car, the cat, the deciding of whats for tea.... et al!

If only they would all stop making you so mad and then you could enjoy life, you could relax, chill, enjoy your time.

In every single one of these situations and in every single case, yup all of them! there is one common denominator...... do you want to hazard a guess? erm..... nope the world is not out to get you, go on...keep guessing... okay I'll tell!!

You. The common denominator is you!

Whether you struggle with ill mental health or not we all (if we admit it) own a pair of angry pants!

And, do you want to know a secret?

(I'm telling you anyway!!) You choose to wear them! every morning, or in the event of any given situation you choose to employ those angry pants. They are so huge they swallow us and engulf us but are too tight, they chaff and rub and dig in making us even more cross, they are ugly and heavy and they ruin our day but still we make a decision to put them on. Wearing them makes us treat every situation with the utmost grumpyness we can muster.

Look I know you don't believe me but I promise you it is true, as well as choosing to wear them you can also choose not to! What has happened is you have got into the habit of being pissed off, it has become your default setting and you can change that, its not easy but it is possible! I know, I did it!
I do keep my angry pants for special occasions and wear them a few times, it is particularly tempting to put them on at home, pair them up with lazy ass jumper, apathy socks and my don't even speak to me hat. My poor family.

I realised my angry pants had become a permanent fixture when both my boys were small, it was a shock realisation really.
I was diagnosed post natal depression, I had two children under 3, My husband left the house at 6.30am and oft times didn't return until gone 7.30pm (to work I must add, I know! how dare he!)  there was so much house work and so little enthusiasm, we were poor, we were in debt, we never went out, I was crying, a lot. And shouting a lot more. I mean re read the above, I had every reason to be pissed off at everything and everyone, choice did not come into it! until one day I was screaming, harpy like at my two boys, they were playing, they had gotten out lots and lots and lots of toys which I had just spent half an hour tidying up, I was tired, I was lonely, did they not understand? FFS! but then a moment of clarity.....who was this woman? this horrid, screechy, verbally violent woman! she was red faced and unattractive, she was so angry ALL the time! who could love her or even like her? I know if I met her I would not want to stay in her company for long! and then the realisation the rejoining of worlds, this horrid woman was me. I didn't like...Me. ahhh, shit.

This event set off my first serious period of self reflection. I was 19.

I decided that I didn't want to be someone I couldn't like or respect. I didn't want to be this angry, vile person. My angry pants didn't just make me cross they made me sulky and sullen, they were squeezing the joy out of my life.

So what was I going to do about it? I could just carry on being angry at everything and everyone but this path, as far as I followed it, led to a lonely existence or I could make a change to how I approached situations. 16 years later I am still a work in progress ;-)

I begun by taking a step back when I felt myself getting angry, I became hyper aware of my behaviour and my reactions. I made an effort to NOT get angry, to not shout, to leave the angry pants in the drawer. I adopted a 'so what?' attitude, NB don't go to far over to that side either! but in most situations I asked myself does this really matter? is it worth my energy to get upset over it?

I stumbled, I failed, I looked down and found myself wearing those fucking pants! often and then less and now less still. I also came to the realisation that if one person is wearing their angry pants it becomes catching and other folk start dragging on their angry pants and then before anyone notices we are all wearing unfashionable, uncomfortable angry pants! (I forgot to mention they are also post mix wash grey and saggy on the arse!)

Don't get me wrong some situations require angry pants! Keep a hold of them big bloomers! but keep them at the back of the drawer.

I find now that I enjoy life a lot more, I concern myself with and direct my energies toward bigger goals and ideals. My energy is precious and I'm not wasting it spending it in anger. 

Slow driver? so what? chill. Last loaf gone? so what? go else where, pick up cobs, treat yourself to a pannini! the kids next door shouting and screaming, Having fun? good, they're not young for long enough! put on some music, go out, ignore it! whatever! , the bank, the boss, employees, friends, family, try and explain why they frustrate you or just move on! Choose not to put on those pants! 

Look around. The world is beautiful. Enjoy it, cast off your angry pants and wander butt naked and free into care free and happy!