back in the game...

I don't like games. My family seem to think this makes me some sort of freak.
Board games, card games, sports, treasure hunts...blah blah blah.... I like a quiz, I like a puzzle. In fact it's probably not games I dislike, just other people playing games. Hmmmmm.......

Any way that was a wander off the path because I got distracted by the title of this post!! Totes mental, see?! If I can find the teeniest way to procrastinate I will!
This post is a procrastination from actual work.
And I have used work as a procrastination from being well, from participating in life. From paying myself the proper attention.
I knew I was doing it. I kept prodding myself in the ribs, shouting "OI!" down my own tab hole, but I stuck my fingers in my ears and yelled back LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!

But I knew that I would have to face up to reality sooner or later. Neglect is easy but not maintainable. It always catches me in the end. Like a mental muffin top after eating shite for months!

So, because I don't like the path which involves straight forward I decided that my version of accountability would be to start a self help group.

Cog's (see what I did there?? A play on Cognitive and the turning of cogs in the brain!) has been tumbling round in the back of my head for some time. I meet so many people on my journey through life and I often think, you are trapped like I was, I wish I could help you, guide you, show you that brighter days lie ahead'. I was originally thinking a book was the answer but I kind of like talking so decided I would trial a self help support group.

Two reasons, helping others first and foremost but also because I have gotten wise to my tricks and cheerleading and have stopped listening to me! I am three years on in my journey and I need something extra.
So these people, whom I meet weekly, without even realising, just by being there and being them are holding me accountable to myself. Because if what I am telling them they should do is not what I am doing myself then I am just a hypocrite and that is one label I do not want!

And...its working, so far.

I stumbled, I wandered, I thrashed about in the dark, then followed the chink of light and I think somewhere round here is a door.........